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For the support… with love!

Support is one of the important functions of psychological counselling, psychotherapy and everyday human communication. Sadly, however, quite often the support turns out to be unavailable or inaccessible to us – the people. Often our loved ones in an attempt to be there for us and support us actually reject us, belittle us, run away…

How is it that those who love us do this?

One component of running away, being rejected or belittled is the difficulty of observing the suffering or pain of those close to us. It immediately comes to my mind how when my child falls, the first thing I want to say to him is ” You’re okay, you’re okay”.

What am I doing? Obviously I’m comforting the child, but I’m also comforting myself because it’s hard to stand with his pain. What else do I do? The message I leave in it is, “it doesn’t hurt you, it’s nothing, even if it hurts you, it’s really nothing.”- This “desensitization” is really, “I’m not ready to be with your pain, it’s too much for me.”

Often the reaction of our loved ones is interpreted as a lack of concern and good intention, not as an instinct for self-preservation.

What is support? It has many different dimensions and manifestations. It could be moral, financial, emotional…

Support is my opportunity to stand by you without reproach, rebuke or judgment. Support does not seek truth or objectivity. Support is love and caring. It is also understanding, sympathy, empathy, presence. Support is when my child drops in to hear, “I know you’re hurting. I’m here for you!”

Support begins where fear stops being the ruler of the situation and trust and love manage to move in. Support does not “erase” problems, it only whispers “I am here for you”; “I hear you”; “You are not alone”; “What you are going through matters to me, it touches me”. There is no wrong day or time for support, it is there, waiting patiently to be seen because it is confident in its importance. Support has no meaning or direction, it is presence even when it has neither meaning nor direction. Support is “I accept you as you are”. It doesn’t need a precise moment or conditions to be, it’s just there…

There is no vanity in support, it is the timelessness of two souls. Support is a mother’s embrace, discovered by the long-grown child in us in a stranger. Support manages to “revive” and “finish” for us events from our past that remain bleeding and painful. Support heals non-invasively. It covers our wounds and pain with tenderness.

Psychotherapy for me is the support I would like to find in those close to me, but find in a stranger. Psychotherapy has helped me to allow good intentions, to see the beauty of life. The support revived my curiosity, laughter, dreams. I believe support is the ingredient without which realizing potential is difficult and bitter. Support is the belief and understanding that gives birth to dreams and everything becomes achievable.

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