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How to be in this world?

Lately, I’ve been impressed with how every bookstore shelf and every article headline is a one-size-fits-all survival guide to the modern world. How to be better, better, thinner, healthier, more harmonious, richer or more successful. How to build eating habits, how to build a workout regimen, how to sleep better, how to get in shape and so on. I could go on and on.

May be one of the reasons I’m seeing these headlines is in my focus? My focus on a better version of myself. Beginning today’s article my focus was on my sense of the demands on me to be present in the modern world. I will not dwell on research and articles, but rather on my experiences. How do I see the modern world?

With the presence of social networks and being “hooked” into them everywhere and at all times, I realize how little I am actually present with my own life. People are smiling from everywhere, my friends and acquaintances. They seem happy, visit interesting places, share their successes, somewhere losses peek sadly too, separations, professional realization, but it always seems balanced.

I have social networks for everything – for hobbies, for business, for professional “gossip”, for rapidly changing realities, for cosmetics, for friends. A whole set of others and their world – the window I can peek through because they have pulled the curtain back a little. I realize that I don’t feel happy all the time. Weekends my life looks more like a struggle to survive with the kids’ homework and chaos of laundry. I’m haunted by math’s problems, logic problems, material I missed in my 4th grade class, and my crooked first grade chugels.

According to research (I said I wouldn’t quote, but it’s from some textbooks 😊) as humans we need to compare. Comparing ourselves to others is necessary in order to position ourselves. Humans are social beings and need to be amongst “self” for self-definition and perception. In this line of thought, when much of my information about others comes from social networks, evolving dynamically and idealistically (rarely does anyone put on cellulite and the uploaded weight for example, or the sorrow face), then others are living their lives and I am “poor me” doing nothing. “I’m not getting anywhere!” “I’m not interesting!” “I’m wasting my life!” So many things going on, and me – I’m out of them.

Falling into these sensations happens somewhat automatically and without being subjected to critical thinking. I’m going on vacation so I can upload some pictures later. It’s a trap! So much information coming from everywhere and at the same time that there is no space left! No room for the current moment, no room for me, no room for assimilation of it all. An endless scrolling in happiness and perfection. No pause, no rest and the break becomes a jump into the perfect shot again! Day after day. I can learn a lot about others (can I?) and forget to look within myself.

In social media we are able to realize the idea of our image in front of others. We show our nice profile, our nice words, our moral stances, the beautiful part of the vacation, our successes. And where is the place of bad mood, sadness, failed attempts, our not so beautiful sides, envy, shame… And behold, the neighbor’s grass is not just always greener – it is green, and mine has yellow patches and holes. So something is wrong with me!

The modern world is dynamic and in order not to miss out, I have to be constantly “on”. What, where and how does it happen? This has several natural consequences for me.

I am not fully present at this time due to constant interruptions.

I don’t have time to process what’s going on around me.

I validate and normalize “ideality” in everything. Natural result is me jumping into frustration with, because ideal things, you know how it is – they just aren’t there.

I neglect people close to my heart, which in turn leads to frustration again after i have realized it.

I’m losing myself…

Anger, shame, envy, self-criticism…

At least there are feelings, but without support and self-regulation, isolation sets in.

Finally, I’m not the person I want to be and I don’t have the life I want to have.


Unless I remember that I want to be a person who has the right not to be perfect. Sometimes I’m wrong. Sometimes is often :). I am not happy and joyful all the time, I am often sad and angry. I am not always feeling well. Not every choice I make is the right one. Sometimes I envy others, even friends. I don’t like everything about myself. I don’t have all the answers. I am just a human. Sometimes I find it difficult. I accept myself as I am today

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